Men’s Mental Health Week: The Postpartum Experience We Don’t Talk About Enough

When we talk about postpartum mental health, the conversation quite rightly often focuses on mothers.

But during Men’s Mental Health Week, I think it’s important to acknowledge something that is often overlooked:

Becoming a father is also a profound psychological transition.

Whilst no one experiences pregnancy or birth in the same way as the person giving birth, becoming a parent changes life for fathers too. Their routines change. Their relationships change. Their responsibilities change. Their identity changes.

And yet many fathers find themselves navigating these changes with very little support.

“But He’s Fine…”

One of the challenges fathers face is that they’re often viewed as the support person rather than someone who may need support themselves.

In the days following birth, conversations understandably focus on mum and baby:

“How is she?”

“How’s the baby?”

Far less often does someone ask:

“How are you doing?”

Many fathers describe feeling as though they need to stay strong, keep everything together and simply get on with it.

But beneath the surface, many are adjusting to enormous change.

The Statistics Tell A Story

Research suggests that approximately 8–10% of fathers experience depression during the first year following the birth of their child (Rao et al., 2020). Some studies suggest that rates may be considerably higher when anxiety symptoms are included, with estimates ranging between 10–18% (Paulson and Bazemore, 2010).

Fathers are also more likely to experience mental health difficulties when their partner is experiencing perinatal mental health challenges, highlighting how interconnected parental wellbeing can be (Paulson and Bazemore, 2010).

Despite this, paternal mental health is not routinely screened for in many healthcare settings, meaning that many fathers may struggle without recognition or support (Darwin et al., 2017).

The Changes We Don’t Always Acknowledge

The transition to fatherhood often involves multiple changes happening simultaneously:

• Increased responsibility

• Sleep deprivation

• Financial pressure

• Changes in relationships

• Reduced social contact

• Less time for hobbies and self-care

• Worries about being a “good enough” parent

• Balancing work alongside family life

• A shift in identity and sense of self

For some men, these changes can bring excitement and purpose.

For others, they can bring anxiety, overwhelm, sadness, guilt, or feelings of inadequacy.

Often both can exist at the same time.

You can love your child deeply and still find the adjustment incredibly difficult.

The Delivery Room Experience Doesn’t End When The Birth Does

One perspective that has always stayed with me came from conversations within the perinatal community, including insights shared by Nurtured Birth and Beyond:

The father’s experience of the birth often travels with him into the early days of parenthood.

Research supports this idea.

A systematic review exploring fathers’ experiences of traumatic birth found that many described feelings of helplessness, fear, powerlessness and emotional distress during labour and delivery (Darwin et al., 2017).

Many fathers reported feeling unprepared for what they witnessed and struggled to process their experiences afterwards. Some described carrying these memories into the weeks, months and years that followed, affecting their mental health, relationships and adjustment to parenthood (Darwin et al., 2017).

Whilst attention understandably shifts to the wellbeing of mother and baby after birth, fathers are often left with little opportunity to process what they have experienced.

For some, the emotional impact may not become apparent until much later.

Signs That A Father Might Be Struggling

Postpartum mental health difficulties do not always look like sadness.

Sometimes they show up as:

• Irritability

• Anger

• Withdrawal

• Increased alcohol use

• Emotional numbness

• Working excessively

• Difficulty bonding with the baby

• Anxiety and constant worry

• Feeling trapped or overwhelmed

Because these experiences do not always fit traditional expectations of depression, they can easily be overlooked.

Small Things That Can Make A Difference

There is no quick fix for the challenges that come with becoming a parent.

But there are things that can help.

Talk honestly

Not just about the practical things.

About the emotional things too.

How are you actually coping?

Don’t wait until you’re at breaking point

Many fathers seek support only when things feel unbearable.

You do not need to reach crisis point before asking for help.

Protect small moments of recovery

A walk.

A coffee.

Time with friends.

An uninterrupted shower.

Small moments matter.

Lower the expectations

You do not need to be the perfect partner, father, employee and friend all at once.

Good enough really is enough.

Remember that adjustment takes time

Bonding does not always happen instantly.

Confidence does not always arrive immediately.

Parenthood is often something we grow into rather than instantly become.

A Final Thought

This Men’s Mental Health Week, I want to acknowledge the fathers who are quietly carrying more than anyone realises.

The fathers who are exhausted.

The fathers who feel overwhelmed.

The fathers who are questioning whether they’re doing enough.

The fathers who are carrying difficult memories of pregnancy, birth or the early postpartum period.

And the fathers who feel guilty for struggling when they think they should simply feel grateful.

You matter too.

Your mental health matters too.

And supporting fathers isn’t separate from supporting families.

It’s part of supporting families well.

References

Darwin, Z., Galdas, P., Hinchliff, S., Littlewood, E., McMillan, D., McGowan, L. and Gilbody, S. (2017) ‘Fathers’ views and experiences of their own mental health during pregnancy and the first postnatal year: A qualitative systematic review’, BMJ Open, 7(11), e017760.

Paulson, J.F. and Bazemore, S.D. (2010) ‘Prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers and its association with maternal depression: A meta-analysis’, JAMA, 303(19), pp. 1961–1969.

Rao, W., Zhu, X.M., Zong, Q.Q., Zhang, Q., Hall, B.J., Ungvari, G.S., Xiang, Y.T. and Lok, G.K.I. (2020) ‘Prevalence of prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers: A comprehensive meta-analysis of observational surveys’, Journal of Affective Disorders, 263, pp. 491–499.